Life right now is so much that I could scream. I am so far behind in school work, house work, and loving my children that I feel as though I have failed. This post will sound as though I am complaining, and maybe I am, but I would like to call it venting for the sake of my health for now.
Since my daughter's father passed I have been in a state of depression that I cannot get out of. I cannot keep my mind on school work or the kids. The kids need me, especially the foster boys, of whom we have gained custody of for the rest of their childhood. They need me because they have been neglected by their parents, my daughters need me so they don't feel shoved out of the picture, Hailey needs me because her daddy died, and my school work needs my attention.
I, as a student, have always been proud of my work. I was a mother of only two and still maintained a GPA of 3.8 or higher. I was recognized by the University of Fairbanks and I got asked to join the National Society of Collegiate Scholars as well as the Golden Award "something" because of my accomplishments. Now, I feel as if I am going to lose is all because of a few setbacks. I was proud of myself and now I don't know.
All I can do is try and do what is humanly possible within me. All I can do is ask God for strength to make it through today and hope that tomorrow is better.
Thanks for reading. Sorry it was depressing, but I admit I feel better now that I got that off my chest.
Jessica